This is part 3 of a larger series about sexual abuse in Yoga. Here is Part 2 and Part 1
The following is a personal narrative and reflection based on lived experience, shared in the interest of truth-telling an survivor solidarity
Trigger warning: The following are stories and discussion of sexual assault. To understand the following story please go to Part 2 to understand the context of this adjustment
Chronicle #4 ~ “Will you help my girlfriend?”
You called in a slight panic. “Magnolia, my girlfriend’s next posture is Yoganidrasana. I don’t want her to get an adjustment. I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m afraid I’ll jump up and punch him in the face.” He paused and took a breath. He asked, “Can you teach her how to do it so she doesn’t need an adjustment?” I don’t know what I’ll do.” I said yes. They came to my house. We went over the vinyasa into the pose, the pose itself, then the exit vinyasa. In between we talked about the abuses (though we called them adjustments). When it came time to get the pose from Pattabhi Jois he ordered her to do it and watched carefully. He walked away, clearly satisfied. She was not assaulted that day.
This was our relationship and orientation with Pattabhi Jois as students of ashtanga yoga
Chronicle #5 ~ Is Ashtanga Yoga a cult?
“Is Ashtanga Yoga a cult?” She asked. I laughed, “Absolutely not! Sharath is not controlling anyone. He doesn’t care what you do!” This was my main justification during my two decade stint in the Ashtanga cult. I really believed it too. Let’s get into it. The classic description of a cult didn’t quite fit. I couldn’t relate to it. This made it easy to dismiss those questions. But this question came up too many times to mention.
Cults can take many forms. Not all of them involve overt control and manipulation, especially by a single leader or teacher. This is true in the case of Ashtanga Yoga. The leader (Jois family) was largely hands-off with a few exceptions. What was unique was that the community itself exerted pressure and influence over students behaviors and beliefs. It was mostly the community that controlled the group dynamics. Don’t get me wrong. The attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of Pattabhi Jois set the tone for the entire community. This then shaped the norms and expectations of the group as a whole. So even though there was a trickle down effect, individual students perpetuated and enforced these norms within the group. Social manipulation and control manifested in subtle ways but the impact was profound (vis a vis gossip, cliques, etc). It was socially coercive and harmful.
Chronicle #6, 7, 8 (ad nauseam) ~ “I know what sexual assault is”
As the metoo movement was beginning to take shape, old students of Pattabhi Jois stepped forward. Karen Rain bravely shared her trauma and experiences. This was a necessary and important time, not only within the Ashtanga community, but worldwide. Masks were falling off. There was a sense that this was an opportunity for real change and which begins with deep acknowledgement. But almost immediately after their stories became public, prominent certified female teachers of Jois quickly came to his defense. Some wrote articles, some took to social media posts, and others stuck to private, personal conversations.
The common theme was this. They bravely shared their trauma and experiences of sexual assault. It was not at the hands of Jois, they said. At first glance, it seemed they were well meaning and in solidarity. However, instead of acting in alliance, they stated something different. They said that because of that previous experience of sexual assault, what Jois did to them was not sexual assault.
What?!
The disorientation, mental gymnastics, confusion, indoctrination, and gaslighting were devastating and embarrassing to witness. Show us you’re petrified of losing your position of power and status. Show us you don’t understand sexual assault, molestation, or criminal behavior by defending a dead rapist.
People in cults justify repulsive behavior due to indoctrination and manipulation. They act in ways they wouldn’t normally do in more ethical environments.
Instead of being in solidarity, they disregarded and ignored others experiences by centering their own. They actively opposed and undermined efforts to support and validate the survivors experience. They colonized the attention and brought it back to them. The division was by design. Now the community would be split into 1 of 2 camps; do you believe the survivors or not? This was deeply destructive. However, this was not surprising. The cult solely focuses on individual physical achievement rather than community care.
Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge.
Audre Lorde
It’s important to understand that certified Ashtanga teachers are certified because of their skill in asana only. It does not indicate intelligence or the ability to disseminate information. It also doesn’t reflect their level of compassion or empathy. Additionally, it is not an indication of their ability to heal or help others, nor their experience with trauma. As a former certified teacher I assure you the bar is narrow and low.
Despite this, certified teachers are treated like celebrities, amassing large followers, teach out of their scope of practice. They are considered “leaders”.
In contrast, genuine ally-ship involves actively listening and amplifying the voices of survivors. It includes educating ourselves and advocating for change. It can also look like using one’s privilege and position to support and boost others voices/experiences. This is rooted in empathy, humility, and a continued commitment to learning and growing.
In my latest podcast episode, I dive into why men are the wrong guides for women seeking embodied spirituality.
I’m not sure if many have paused to reflect. They may not have considered how they and others divided efforts. This division destroyed the potential for real change.
It starts with acknowledging our failures, it’s important to understand the real potential for growth and transformation. When we hold ourselves accountable, we can actively work towards a more just and equitable future. However, from what I’ve observed Ashtanga teachers have moved on and continue the long-held tradition of gaslighting, ignoring, and minimizing.
I truly wish this was not the case. Indoctrination and cult mentality stunt the growth process. Yet emotional intelligence and critical thinking are important qualities for effectively guiding and supporting students.
Reclaiming the true essence of yoga as a practice of compassion, integrity, and empowerment is possible. Even through our failings there is opportunity for profound change
Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness
Audre Lorde
Thank you for reading and for joining me on this recovery process so far.
Thank you for engaging with such difficult content. Your willingness to explore challenging topics is deeply appreciated.
Resources:
Tips for talking to a survivors of sexual assault
If you’d like to go deeper into these conversations, listen to my podcast
This post contains personal testimony and direct observations based on my lived experience in the Ashtanga yoga community. These events are described truthfully and to the best of my ability. I share this account in the interest of survivor support, historical record, and cultural accountability.
Descriptions of abuse, including terms such as ‘criminal’ or ‘rapist,’ are based on observed and reported behavior that meets the legal definition of sexual assault in many jurisdictions. These are not accusations made lightly, but assessments made through direct experience, survivor testimony, and public record.
My intent is not to harm, but to illuminate harm that has already occurred—harm that many have witnessed, endured, or silenced. Speaking openly about abuse, especially when it involves well-known figures, is both necessary and protected under laws governing free speech and matters of public concern.
These experiences are real. The pain is real. The need for justice and healing is real.
To learn more about Magnolia click here
I dive deeper into these topics on my podcast Spiritual Autopsy