Trigger Warning: The following post discusses sexual assault.
The following is a personal narrative and reflection based on lived experience, shared in the interest of truth-telling an survivor solidarity
“But he did so much good in the world!”
This is the knee jerk response every time anyone tries to discuss sexual abuse in yoga.
This is offensive. I’ll explain.
I witnessed Pattabhi Jois (Ashtanga creator) digitally rape his students. When he wasn’t doing that he was groping women’s buttocks, breasts, dry humping them in downward dog, in the transition out of mayurasana into downward dog. These are just a few examples of the primary and secondary traumas every single person in “the shala” experienced. It was relentless
Since 2004, every time I or anyone brings up this topic, someone inevitably says, often unconsciously, “but look at all the good he did in the world”.
When a survivor brings this up it’s because they’re trying to rehabilitate and restore themselves. When you respond this way, it’s not allyship. It’s adversarial. It is the equivalent of Not All Men and All Lives Matter. Obviously not all men abuse and yes all lives matter but that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re highlighting the lives and experiences of a group of people that were oppressed, discriminated against, and powerless.
“But He Did So Much Good In The World” in response to sexual abuse in yoga, derails important conversations. It neuters the necessary and potentially healing discussions needed to move the practice and community forward.
In the company of Ashtangis this is THE motto used to ensure these conversations remain superficial. It is fear that someone will dismantle and destroy the livelihoods and prisms of the practice and its people. When a victim brings this up, it is a type of sacred destruction of the self. This process is necessary to rebuild and restore. It’s an attempt to thrive, not just survive
In the west, we’re skilled at splitting and categorizing things. This is both an art and a coping mechanism.
Our bodies and minds are constantly trying to heal. It’s the natural state and intelligence of US. But after years of living out of tune, we lose that intelligence and begin to fracture our selves and our hearts
Then it’s much easier to separate the Yoga creator from the yoga practice.
Yoga is a transformational tool meant to open the subtle channels of the body for the purpose of self-realization. It also helps to de-stress, improve flexibility, etc but the main and most important purpose is liberation.
It matters that a sexual predator created your favorite practice.
In my latest podcast episode, I dive into why men are the wrong guides for women seeking embodied spirituality.
I’m an herbalist. I also sequence yoga practices for individuals based on symptoms and clinical needs. When I’m making medicine, if my mind is not in a balanced state, it effects the medicine. Not only do I need a meditative state of mind, I also need clarity and an open heart. I think about the patient, the symptoms, love and healing. These effect the medicine and the practice deeply.
Medicine and yoga sequences are the same.
If I were a sexual predator, this would effect the medicine and the sequences I create. They would still have AN effect, but not the effect I want for you; which is peace, comfort, and love
People excuse these men like they’re quirky or silly. They act like sexual predation is a preference. Chai or coffee? No. Sexual predation is serious and there are many theories as to its etiology. Some of them include hormonal imbalances or cognitive dysfunctions. Abuses in community reflect not being in right relations with oneself. They also show a disconnection with the environment and the people in your life. It matters.
If you were a student of Pattabhi Jois’s, my heart goes out to you. We all experienced these abuses if not as primary trauma then certainly secondary trauma.
I don’t know what was done to you. Did you want his attention? There is no shame.
My heart goes out to you.
Did he abuse you while your boyfriend/husband watched? I’m sorry you were betrayed by important men in your life.
My heart goes out to you.
Did you watch Jois abuse your wife/girlfriend and did nothing? We all felt helpless. I saw you. I saw your face. We talked about your trauma…briefly.
My heart goes out to you. We are all traumatized
What have you done with those memories. Have you filed them away too. Locked them up. Have they turned into tiny stars around your scars. Do you call it forgiveness because you have no choice
I tell my story to repair myself. To reclaim the person who had convinced herself it was ok to accept crumbs at a table that was never set for her
Cole Arthur Riley
If you’re currently teaching Ashtanga yoga and you never knew Pattabhi Jois, my heart goes out to you too. You think you’re free from this particular pain, trauma, and responsibility. But like generational trauma, these Khavaigunyas have been passed on…to you
I continue these conversations more deeply on my podcast Spiritual Autopsy, where I explore the intersections of abuse, power, and spirituality.
By story and by blood we are made of those that came before us
Cole Arthur Riley
This post contains personal testimony and direct observations based on my lived experience in the Ashtanga yoga community. These events are described truthfully and to the best of my ability. I share this account in the interest of survivor support, historical record, and cultural accountability.
Descriptions of abuse, including terms such as ‘criminal’ or ‘rapist,’ are based on observed and reported behavior that meets the legal definition of sexual assault in many jurisdictions. These are not accusations made lightly, but assessments made through direct experience, survivor testimony, and public record.
My intent is not to harm, but to illuminate harm that has already occurred—harm that many have witnessed, endured, or silenced. Speaking openly about abuse, especially when it involves well-known figures, is both necessary and protected under laws governing free speech and matters of public concern.
These experiences are real. The pain is real. The need for justice and healing is real.